Another Day in Parachute (Plesetan Paradise *sigh*)

Today, habis menyelesaikan another psikotest dalam hidupku... dan yang kali ini, again and again, it sucks!! Sebenarnya i think it is not that difficult sih... I balieve in my personality lha... it's just the last bad experience about psikotest is not really pleasant.

Hari ini adalah psikotest ke 3 dalam hidupku... yang pertama sih nggak terlalu ngefek kedalam hidupku... diadain waktu SMA dulu... hanya semata untuk membuktikan bahwa aku yang telah menempuh pendidikan selama SD, SMP dan 2 tahun diSMA bukanlah murid yang memiliki IQ idiot... (telat banget sumpah!!). Yang kedua dilaksanakan beberapa minggu setelah kelulusan... Tepatnya waktu career days... fiewww... that one definitely sucked!!!!! Aku ngelamar gitu ke sebuah company... well ya wellknown company lah... absolutely wellknown... alasan ngelamar murni karena gaji nya bok... not because i am interested in its industry sih... (dilarang nyebutin lah... ntar kasus Prita jadi Kasus Chia Chia... gawat ...>.<) Industrynya sendiri aku sangat tidak tertarik... berhubung dilarang keras sama orang yang aku hormati, juga aku tidak begitu suka... so, that companyw as definitely not my first choice.... @@ Ditambah lagi bidang yang mau aku lamar karena aku suka, dibatesin untuk cowok.... (huff... still cant get enough of discrimination around here...--#). Ya sudah.... aku tetep maksa ngelamar ke posisi itu juga sih... (keras kepalaaaa.... maaf>.<) Sehingga, definitely... while doing the psikotest... semuanya berhalangan... industrynya ga pas, posisinya nggak pas juga.... hmm... that's why hasilnya... NIHIL... aku nggak dipanggil untuk interview next step... So, waktu itu aku berpikir bahwa ini adalah kehendak Tuhan (well, separohnya memang kehendakku sih... toh kan aku juga yang setengah hati). Jadi aku masih bisa menerima dengan lapang dada... (sedikit lega malah nggak keterima... ^^). ALhasil... aku nggak pernah memikirkan bahwa psikotest yang sama persis bakal menghantui ku dikemudian hari....huxhux... Hari ini.... aku mengerjakan lagi psikotest yang sama persis... hixhix... Secara logika I really aware!!! Really aware and understand that dalam mengerjakan psikotest nggak ada nilai jelek dan nilai bagus... It's not like working on assignments from college you know.... The result is not exactly A or B+. This test is more to determine my personality and life path?? Sigh... ga tahu lha... Hari ini psikotest untuk masuk ke perusahaan yang sedari duluuuuu udah aku perjuangin buat masuk... kenapa sih susah sekali memuluskan jalanku keperusahaan itu?? grr... Dan karena buruknya kenangan masa lalu dengan psikotest ke2, hal itu membayang2i pekerjaanku dalam psikotest hari ini... Dengan adanya perasaan buruk beserta ketidakpastian dari pihak perusahaan, here comes my goosebumps. Oh God!! Aku sama sekali nggak bisa lagi memproyeksikan kata2 apa yang dapat menggambarkan perasaanku sekarang... Having my mother behind me... Seeing her face already makes me feel guilty all the way in my life... Semua yang bisa kulakukan sudah kulakukan... masa cuma gara2 psikotest ga jelas aja aku kudu mengaku kalah? (uuugghhh I hate psikotest!!!) I really would do everything just to make things better... Apa aja dech... Jangan bunuh diri (percuma donk kalo bunuh diri??). Or may be I was thinking too much? worried too much?? Stressed out too much? Ga tahu lha... SUmpah aku bingung... Jalan hidup ini kok cek susah e.... !!!!!! (Atau mungkin aku nya aja yang terlalu mikir susah?>.<) Tuhkan!!! Susah daaah!!

At this point of life, I got no self confidence at all.. got no future telling skill at all.. I have done it... Have passed it... Can't get back in to the past, so all I can do right now is only pray... Praying that everything is going to be alright... Praying that everything is gonna be fine... Praying I get the phone call soon... Praying that all the path in my life leads to one thing, which is My Mother's happiness.

Can't ask for more... Yet fight for more.. Amen

Surabaya, 20 October 2009
Chia
For letting out my full-exhausted mind

My heart Breaks Into Pieces

Haha, don't know why every time I met troubles, headache and something’s bad, I always want to write it down my blog. Jeezzzz, this time I am broken hearted.

It’s not about boys. It’s definitely not about the love of my life getting married with someone else (Plis don’t let that happen>.<). May be for most of the girls, you definitely can understand how I feel. But some of them will also say “What the hell?? Only because of this??????” Yap… it’s only because of SHOES!! It’s not ONLY. It’s almost everything I want. At least for now, since I am truly looking for shoes.

I love shoes. From all of the fashion items, I can definitely tell which shoes suits me best, and I definitely can tell which shoes I want the most. For all I care, I completely messed up during fashion shopping when it’s related to shirt, blouse, skirt, trousers, or anything else except shoes. Shoes…. Just another love of my life… another passion of my life. Yet, I know it’s true that I cannot afford all those expensive yet damned beautiful shoes. For all I want, I just need to have at least one pair of beautiful shoes for myself, to carry me to all the places I want. At least one pair, but If I can have more than one, that’s my kind of heaven! ^^

So, the story began when I definitely need to find one pair of shoes. Just one beautiful, comfortable shoes I need to wear to do all my life’s activities. Why do I need shoes? Simple! It’s merely because I have been running out of it. The last pair of shoes I got had already got broken >.<. Definitely need to buy a new one. So, there I go hunting all the beautiful shoes outlet to find the one! ^^

After all the searching, all the journey choosing and looking…… it resulted on yesterday. Damn!!!! Yes!!! YESTERDAY was the God Damned day when I finally found the right one for me! So, yesterday I went to Tunjungan Plaza to just hang around with high school fren. Then, after having lunch, we threw ourselves into several stores, such as Gramedia, and hang around the mall. Finally, our last stop was Zara. The moment I stepped into it, that’s the moment I saw that shoes. Oooooohhhhhhhh….. it directly linked to my heart (Rodo lebai ^^). Without second thought, I grabbed it. And foolishly!!!!!!!!!!!!! I TRIED it ON!!!! Damn! I am stupid. I should have seen the price tag first to limit my thirst!! Should have seen the price first before I put it on and give all my heart to it. Hixhixhixhix. Because once I put it on my foot, gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…… I am IN LOVE!!!!!!!! Shit! Then I saw the price tag and got my heart broken like broken vase. Sigh! It’s Rp 1.299.000 people! More than half of normal salary per month. Just for that shoes. Oooohhh how I hate those shoes maker who totally cant understand how painful it is to let go the shoes of our dream. Damn uuuuu!!! (Gaya csy).

This is the first time I experience such thing. It is like normal broken heart. I realized that I just cant get what I want. But this time is too painful. And I definitely cannot forgive all those stupid pricing they give to such shoes. Can’t we all the girls in the world get what we want the most without sacrificing so much? Can’t all those pricing strategists understand that there’s so many girls deserve to have beautiful shoes? Aaaaarrrggghhhhhhhhh…………. Stupid shoes makers and pricing strategists!!!!!!!!! I swear to my self that ONE DAY, I will buy all the shoes that I want!!!!!!! Huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >.<

This is my breath-taking shoes. My heart sure will go on!!! Go to another girls feet!! >.< (sirik mode = ON).

I know not all girls can understand how I feel. But truly, this time is a painful experience. Really wish that there’s no more other girls who experience the same feeling I have now. >.<

PS: if there’s anybody, anybody, is kind enough to buy it for me, I’ll give all my world for you! ^^ (Not that I have the whole world precious to give, but you sure get my gratitude, pray and effort to be the happiest person on earth ^^). It will also be oke if you can provide me the installment payment (Cicil juga gpp wes! Wkwkwkwkwkwkwkkwwk… muelaaaas yoooooo!). I know…. I know…. Iya iya… I’ll stop!! *Sigh* Cafek dech!

Just another stupid unnecessary story in my life, yet clueless-ly affecting every aspect of my mind.

Surabaya, 12 October 2009

Chia

Choose!!

I write again... (Lage nganggur se... Jadi kepikiran yang aneh2...) wkwkwk.. After several notes that I wrote previously, got no more other notes to show... ^^ Now, since I dont have anything to do, I think about many things lately. Thinking about my life, thinking about my dream, my lover, my friendship, and other stuffs make me have something to pure on the laptop again... I am not so sure that this time, the writing will be as beautiful as previous. However, these scrambled thoughts of mine need to be brought out from my brain.... if not, I will go crazy... (wes mulai ngomong2 dhewe....ga jelas pokok e >.<) ^^

So, here we go....

Recently, due to my "nothing-to-do-days", I go back to my old habit, which is watching Korean dramas. Not necessarily Korean, sometimes I also watch Chinese, Taiwan, Japanese or sometimes I even watch India... (kadang apik lhoo... wkwkwkw.... contoh ya: Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham... uapiiiik puol!!! XD). My favorite kind of movies and serials are those with complicated story lines. I don't like the simple one... Sometimes people say I am weird. Life is so complicated already, why should I make my life more complicated by watching complicated movies or serials? I have no reason why.... I cant answer that particular reason... I just like to watch what I like to watch. Dont need any reason (Yeah... Aku diktator...>.<).

Recently, I watch a Korean serials names "Take Care of the Lady" (Played by Yoon Eun Hae, cewek yang maen di Princess Hours dan Coffee Prince^^). The story inspires me to an endless question. Me, myself cannot answer that particular question. Not just because I havenot had the experience of having such situation, but even if I imagine myself being in that situation, I might not be able to figure it out myself. Now, this question goes to every single lady who read about this note. "What if you got stuck in a situation where you love Man A (but he don't love u back), but you still got Man B who loves you till the end of the world?" (Haiyaaaaaaaaa.... Chia... moso ga ngerti jawabannya?? Ya buka lah hati kamu buat Man B!!!) Ya I know..... Diplomatic answer is that... open your heart for Man B. Yeah... it looks as easy as it sounds... But do you really think that you would be able to let your heart go and open a new heart for man B? Are you really sure that Man A will not bother your life no more? Are u really sure that you won't be the first one to jump to your car when you receive Man A's phone call asking for help?

It would be alot easier if Man A has already got himself a wife or girlfriend (biasa e lek mek pacar nggak menjamin^^). Then you will have two boundaries that prevent you from keep thinking about him. But Hey!!!! Nothing in this world is as simple as that! So, let me make this more complicated.... (Yeah... I feel the SWT look). How about three of you are free-single-open-popular person? You, Man A you love, and Man B who loves you are all free and single.... He heyy!!!! I love Man A, but he dont love me back... Behind me, I still have Man B who always gets my back when I am in trouble, cause he loves me like rabbit likes carrot... (perumpamaan e ga tepak ya? ^^ XD). Literally, as the love doctor, i would say "DECIDE!!!". Decide which one will you chase after... and decide which one will you let go. Once you decide, then everything will be as clear as the clear blue sky... hais... once more... will it be that easy to decide?

Girls, woman, perempuan, wanita, cewek, nv ren, or whatever you want to call Kaum HAWA needs high security system. As a girl, I love to be secure... I love it when I know that one man is there for me... doing everything for me... blocking every trouble I could find..... having all his attention only to me..... and all that loving me for me kind of man. It feels like heaven when a man loves me. But it truly feels like hell when I love someone else. Stuck in that kind of situation, girls usually can't move. Girls can't do a thing. Girls can't decide. Too hard to let go the secure feeling you have from the man who loves u, and too hard for you to let your won feeling go. Can I just enjoy both of them? Having him as my bodyguard and having the other him as the love of my life? YOU WISH!!!!! (Dunia udah kekurangan cowok pek... jek dipek dhewe ae... huh!!)

I cannot offer you my kind of solution. As a girl, I would be cactus (heh? Opo hubungan e be kaktus? Aku yo mboh se!) if I were in that kind of situation. Can’t imagine my self stuck in that kind of situation also (perumpamaannya ya kayak either you cut yourself with a knife If you let go the man you love or you take off your protection jacket during the bullet rain when you let go the man who loves you… Seng ke2 agak berlebihan ^^ tapi ya itulah….). When we are stuck in this kind of situation, we are facing both dying end. We die both ways. May be if we truly choose the man we love instead of the man who loves us, and we do everything to touch heaven and hell in order to make that man loves us back (感动天感动地), if we succeed, then walaaaaahhh…. Here comes the happy ending. But what if…… (Remember when I said I’ll make things more complicated?^^) what if we never succeed in luring that man attention to us? Will it be easy to find someone else? (Lebih mudahkah menyeberangi samudra yang asing untuk mencari seseorang yang baru daripada mempertahankan apa yang telah ada sebelumnya?) Kamu punya kue itu sekarang, tapi kamu naksir kue yang lain. Untuk mendapatkan kue itu, kamu harus membuang kue yang sekarang ada ditanganmu. Apakah kamu akan membuangnya? Apakah kamu yakin akan mendapatkan kue yang kamu inginkan setelah kamu membuang kue yang kamu punya? Bagaimana jika kamu tidak bisa mendapatkan kue yang kamu inginkan itu? Bukankah itu berarti kamu sudah kehilangan keduanya? Apakah akan mudah untuk mendapatkan kue yang baru? I don't think so baby.

Gimana ya enaknya?? How are we, the girls, supposed to deal with this? I am confused. Are you confused? So, let’s dizzy dizzy together! XD

They say love will find a way, yet they forget, it’s the LOVE that makes us lost

One insignificant notes for your simple digest…^^

Surabaya, 6 October 2009

Chia

Sam Li Sheng Jie 李圣杰 - Ca Jian Er Guo 擦肩而过

我爱着谁

Wo ai zhe shei

Aku sedang mencintai siapa
爱到我有点醉
Ai dao wo you dian zui

Mencintai sampai aku sedikit mabuk

告诉我你是谁
Gao shu wo ni shi shei

Beritahu padaku kamu ini siapa

能够把我让我变不对

Neng gou ba wo rang wo bian bu dui

Sampai kamu bisa membiarkan dan membuatku menjadi tidak benar
你不会累

Ni bu hui lei

Kamu tidak capek
但我却爱你爱得好累

Dan wo que ai ni ai de hao lei

Tapi justru aku mencintaimu sampai sedemikian lelahnya
从没有为了谁

Cong mei you wei le shei

Dari dulu tidak pernah terhadap siapapun
不顾安危付出一切

Bu gu an wei fu chu yi qie

Tidak mempedulikan keamanan memberikan segalanya

Bridge:

站在这平衡点
zhan zai zhe ping heng dian

Walaupun kita berdiri dititik keseimbangan ini

我还是觉得有点危险
wo hai shi jue de you dian wei xian

Aku masih merasa sedikit berbahaya

或许是看不见
huo xu shi kan bu jian

Mungkin karena aku tidak dapat melihat

只能够靠感觉
zhi neng gou kao gan jue

Jadi hanya dapat mengandalkan perasaanku belaka

Refrain:

他不会是个好男人
Ta bu hui shi ge hao nan ren

Dia tidak akan mungkin merupakan lelaki yang baik

也不会是个好情人

Ye bu hui shi ge hao qing ren

Juga tidak mungkin merupakan kekasih yang baik
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过

Ni dui wo shuo wo men zhi shi ca jian er guo

Kamu mengatakan padaku bahwa kalian hanya berselisih temu
好的男人有那么多

Hao de nan ren you na me duo

Begitu banyak lelaki yang baik
少了他的日子也能过

Shao le ta de ri zi ye neng guo

Hidup akan terus berjalan jika tidak ada dia
我不会再让你寂寞

Wo bu hui zai rang ni ji mo

Aku tidak akan membuat kamu kesepian lagi
也不会让你更难过

Ye bu hui rang ni geng nan guo

Juga tidak akan membuatmu sedih lagi
你听我说要好好学着去生活

Ni ting wo shuo yao hao hao xue zhe qu sheng huo

Dengarkanlah aku bahwa kamu harus belajar untuk hidup dengan baik
就算未来有多少错

Jiu suan wei lai you duo shao cuo

Walaupun dimasa depan akan ada banyak kesalahan
至少还有我的问候

Zhi shao hai you wo de wen hou

Paling tidak kamu masih memiliki perhatianku
我的温柔陪你度过

Wo de wen rou pei ni du guo

Juga kelembutanku untuk menemanimu melewati semuanya

你听我说

Ni ting wo shuo

Dengarkanlah aku
你不要这么做

Ni bu yao zhe me zuo

Aku tidak ingin kamu begitu
你不要看着我

Ni bu yao kan zhe wo

Jangan sambil melihat diriku
说你已经知道怎么做

Shuo ni yi jing zhi dao zen me zuo

Mengatakan bahwa kamu tahu kamu harus bagaimana
你很难受

Ni hen nan shou

Kamu sangat sedih
我愿意陪你一起承受
Wo yuan yi pei ni yi qi cheng shou

Aku bersedia menanggungnya bersamamu

只要你不怕痛

Zhi yao ni bu pa tong

Asalkan kamu tidak takut sakit
再多坎坷我都陪你走

Zai duo kan ke wo dou pei ni zou

Tidak peduli betapa banyaknya kesulitan aku akan tetap menemanimu menjalani semuanya.

Back to Bridge

Back to Refrain 2x

PS: Dedicated for a special friend... Chas, hope u enjoy it... ^^